Life goes on

A lot of time has passed since the last time I wrote here. I have'nt been here, but lost. I decided to neither write nor even think about what happened after school was over. As I told you Melissa's gone. After this day, life shifted to a lonely and senseless state I just wanted to run away from home and from this fucking world. Up to now I still miss her, but I need to change. I thought it was impossible. She was my only friend during school times, almost five years. I didn't have anybody but her, and now she is no longer here. She is in the middle of nowhere. She will start a new life without me and forget me forever. Every day I used to wonder whether she thought of me as I do her. It is my wish that she does.

Today I woke up differently. I don't know what has happened to me but I feel better. As though I had a special dream (which I can't remember). Or maybe it's my another me. He came down and told me 'hey Enrike, what the fuck is happening with you, stop wasting your time in your room, there's a life outside, go and enjoy it, don't bug, weaky!' I think that happened because today is another day. Today is a different day from the others ones, even the sun is shining and the day is beautiful. I no longer want to keep wondering whether Melissa will come back someday. I guess I don't care anymore.

A new life is beginning. From now on, I will live the life and I won't let life lives me. My mom was right in saying, "Life goes on."

January 5

Lots of things have happened since the school was over. But now I'm not willing to tell you, but I promise I'll do it. Melissa's gone and now you're my only friend. I feel so lonely. I need to sleep. I'm sorry. Bye

December 9

I’m so sorry I’ve neglected you, but I haven’t had time to write because of the finals exams. I know school is useless but anyway I have to study to make my parents being proud of me.

School is finally over and now I’ve a mix of feelings. On the one hand, I’m really happy because my mom just told me that next year I’m going to move to a bigger city for attending college, but the best part is that I’ll go alone, throughout alone, that means I will live A-L-O-N-E, isn’t it terrific?, without arguments with my parents, just the solitude and I. In fact, my dreams are beginning to come true.

But in the other hand, I guess I will have to say good bye to Melissa. I don’t even want to think about our last day together. I can’t imagine the farewell. I would like to take her with me, and live together in my new house, but it is impossible. We have almost one month left to be together here. After that, we both will fly away to our different destiny. It sucks.

It’s going to be hard for me, and I guess for her too. She’s been the only girl in my life, beside my mom, my cousins and my sisters, of course. And I’ve been the only boy in her life. I won’t stand to see her with other guy. No way man!

Do you know how I met her? In school, I always saw her during the break. I liked her, her white face, her blond hair, and her green eyes, so beautiful. One day, almost five years ago, in one of my cousin’s birthday, I’d told her to introduce me to her. I wanted to know her. So my pretty cousin calls her and introduced her to me, after that she left us. I was extremely nervous. I didn’t know what to do. Actually, I didn’t remember what I told her, but it was funny, but since then, we have been hanging out and spending time together. I think it was first sight love. Although we are very different, we fall in love with each other very fast. At the beginning, nobody believed in our relationship because she was very pretty and I wasn’t, because I liked heavy music, she liked romantic; because she liked dancing, I hated it; because she was kind of popular, and I was weird. But I thing precisely all of these differences between us made and make strong our relationship. We shut everybody up. But I’m afraid we are going to break up. I want to cry.

December 4

I don’t want to study. I don’t like it at all. I wasn’t born to be a studious man. I just realize that. All my life, during elementary I used to be a good student, but now everything turns bad. I really hate school. I hate the subjects. I hate my teachers. Despite of that, I don’t know how my grades are high if I never study. And I never cheat.

Sometimes I feel that my parents are proud of me because I seem to be a good student (according to my grades), because I don’t drink, as my friends do, because I don’t smoke, because I don’t use to go out, and because I have a nice girl. When I feel that, I feel good, a good son, and in fact, I don’t want to let them down, but I think this is a fake. It’s just an illusion. It's not the real life.

My parents don’t know what I really want, and even I tell them my plans, I won’t let me to do all the things I want to do after school. They are such a close mind people. They believe I have to graduate from high school, then from college, get a very well paid job (even I don’t like it), make a family, have kids, and live the life as a fat rich. I can’t even imagine that, I prefer to kill myself.

I’m beginning to think that I don’t belong to this world.

December 2

Today has been the most useless day in my whole life. Since my parents have gone somewhere, I've been able to sleep until noon. I didn’t do it since I was a child… you know what? I miss my childhood, at that time I was free and I lived without duties. Now everything is different, my parents are nagging me all the time, I don’t know if they don't bear with me or vice versa. I guess they are the problem.

Anyway, today I felt like a king, I’ve spent the day lying down on my bed, listening music and eating. I ordered an extra large pizza, and I just got up from my bed to receive the pizza, go to the toilet, make shit, and call Melissa.

Also, at last I could turn up the volume of my radio with my favorite crazy music (crazy for my parents). It almost blew up my brain. I love this fucking music, man. I was freaking out my new life without parents, without anybody but Melissa and me, and making love with her all the time. Oh, for God’s sake! That’s life!

But tomorrow, I will go back to my current life. It really sucks!

December 1

Yesterday, I went to a party arranged by some stupid students who believe they can shift the world. I just went because of Melissa. I’ve been thinking about our future, about what we both are going to do after school, and I’m afraid we are going to dismiss each other. I don’t want to leave her, but I’m just trying to be realist, we both up to our parents and I know her parents are thinking to travel abroad, they want her to study in other country, and I’ll stay here, rot myself in this fucking place. But I don’t lose hope to be together forever anyway

Thus, I want to be with her full time. Even though we know we won’t be any longer together after the school, we don’t talk about that at all.

I thought I was going to get bored and lost in the party, but actually I enjoyed it, even if I didn’t know how to dance. But now I do. Melissa love dancing, and she taught me how to shake my stiff body. I made a fool of myself in front of everybody. I turned red, but she was happy, she made fun of me. I love when she laughs at me.

Fortunately, this was the last party of the year, because the final exams are approaching and it supposes we all must study. That’s stupid. School is rubbish, it useless and a waste of time. It doesn’t make us better or something, on the contrary, school turns kids more stupid and dull. If I were president, I’d send the army to destroy every school in the wide country. That would be great, wouldn't that?. I can’t stand being here more time. I want to get rid of all this shit and be free, and do whatever I want, which is write, draw, and love Melissa.

November 29

School is almost done, and I don’t know what to do with my life yet. I don’t like anything at all. I see my friends and I notice that some of them want to become doctors or lawyers, other ones enjoy acting, singing or something, even the dunce ones know what to do after the school already, everybody but me.

In fact, I don’t care much about that, but you know, I "have" to follow the fucking rules of the society, just for making parents happy. It really sucks. I think that’s unfair. All the teenagers, like me, must do whatever we want, regardless the opinion of the rest. We don’t need any suggestion or stupid advices from older people. It’s our life, not theirs.

If I would live by myself, I’d just travel abroad over the world, and I would live the life just writing and drawing, writing and drawing, the day long. Of course, I’ll take Melissa with me, the most beautiful girl in the world. I love her. She is my only true friend, my love, my lover, my everything. She is only one school year younger than me. We’ve been hanging out for almost three years, and from then on she has made me happy, spend time with her is the best. I’ve realized she's my half soul. I don’t want her to go at the end of the school, and I don’t want to leave her.

There are few weeks left to think about my future, I don’t want to let my parents down, but in the same way, I don’t want to do something I will hate, and nowadays I’m hating everything, even myself, fortunately, I have Melissa, she makes me dream out of this stupid world, inhabited by stupid people.